Let's talk about sex! Epp Kärsin answers all of your burning questions
Women’s month has begun and spring is in the air. However, it’s not solely the fresh air that makes all the cheeks pink at the doorstep of spring…But also all the sexual energy awakening from winter slumber!
We write about sensual lingerie, feminine confidence, and happy relationships in our blogs but in light of the upcoming Women’s Day, we don’t want to skip the one burning topic that excites yet scares us all - sex. And what could be a better way of doing that than going straight to the source. We have invited Epp Kärsin, the spokeswoman for our pleasures, breaker of relationship taboos, and a true free-minded revolutionary, to share her insightful knowledge on sex.
Epp has been giving courses on sexual health and knowledge in Estonia for over 7 years now, thanks to which she has brought the topic of sex from the darkest corner of the room directly in front of the nation’s public. Today, she answers all of the questions sent by BonBon’s readers so that nothing would keep us from having the best sex of our lives! Let’s get right to it:
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M: ,,Why should I have sex? Isn’t the purpose of sex simply to procreate?’’
Epp: ,,Women who are in a happy relationship and have regular satisfactory sex maintain a better balance both physically and mentally. Sex is definitely not only a tool for procreation but rather a great gift from life itself. Happy hormones like serotonin and oxytocin, feeling of safety and intimacy - these are the benefits of sex that lay the foundation for a person’s well-being, the importance and role of which has been proved by numerous scientific researches. Bad sex breaks our soul, which is why I imagine women who say that physical intimacy is not important in a relationship are suffering from a subconscious fear of sex or lack of knowledge on the topic. Once you get to know your body and discover the head-dizzying ocean of pleasures it has to offer to you, your sexuality starts to blossom and you’ll never give up sex again.’’
K: ,,How often should a woman pleasure herself?’’
Epp: ,,The recipe for self-pleasure is the following - if you feel like it then do it! Doesn’t matter if this desire surfaces once a month or every day. The worst thing you can do as a woman is forbid yourself from self-pleasure. For the past seven years, I have been saying that the worst woman is an unsatisfied woman! An unsatisfied woman turns bitter, her face goes tense, smile turns into a frown, and whole overall presence is constantly on-edge. If self-pleasure hasn’t had a major role in your life before, I suggest first and foremost get to know yourself at a yoni massage course. This way, you’ll learn to pleasure yourself in the best way possible, experience internal orgasms, and discover your body’s erogenous parts from head to toe.’’
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T: ,,How can I highlight femininity more in myself through everyday lifestyle choices?’’
Epp: ,,The first and most important exercise to get in contact with your femininity is through dancing! Dancing gives you a clearer feel and understanding of your body, more precisely, how it likes to move. Obviously various other physical activities, as simple as walking, also help maintain a close contact with your body. Once a preferred method of physical activity has been found, the next thing you must realise is that we truly are what we eat. If our dietary habits are very unhealthy, we can’t feel good in our own bodies and thus, feel ashamed in the bedroom as well. I always stop eating before I reach the heavy feeling of fullness because I enjoy flying through life with ease. Due to being a trainer for people suffering from obesity for years, I can directly quote them when I say that eating too much and an unhealthy lifestyle often stem from emotional compensation. People eat from loneliness, sadness, and abandonment, hoping that food will fill that void inside. But these are all emotions that can be treated in therapy, not by burying your feminine nature under a layer of food.’’
S: ,,I have never openly talked about sex with my significant other. How can I change that and direct him towards a more conscious love making?’’
Epp: ,,It makes me very sad that our education system doesn’t include lessons that would circle around the topic of how to consciously build a relationship. How to highlight your significant other’s best features and be the best version of yourself as well. The first step towards expressing your wishes is to first and foremost know what you want. It is important to understand your inner world both on a physical and mental level. Because we don’t publicly talk about these things in society, we often lack the correct words to describe our desires. We say when we are cold, hot, or hungry. But just as easily, we could tell our partner ,,Honey, I feel a huge need for intimacy,’’ or ,,I would like it if you stroked my head.’’ You can never simply expect anything in a relationship, and especially not that your partner can read your mind. Which is the reason why all of my practical courses start with theory. Once a safe space has been established and your partner knows they will not be criticised, they often get the courage to open up and share. Couples can live together for 20 years but if they don’t discuss topics of intimacy, they may never establish true closeness.’’
The model is wearing the amazing Crystal Bodysuit.
K: ,,Is it important to have a larger list of partners to develop sexually or is it also possible with only one partner?’’
Epp: ,,As many as there are different women, there are different wants and needs. Some women are able to receive their deepest and most wonderful experiences being in a monogamous relationship, while others have various twists and turns written on their soul’s journey. The latter might reach the same exact conclusion through different partners as the women who have been with one partner their whole life. Thus, there isn’t solely one correct answer. The most important thing is that you’re happy in your relationship and feel that all of your inner world wishes and needs are met and happily provided to you by your significant other. However, if you feel like there is something missing from your relationship and you constantly have to repeat yourself or point something out, sooner or later, you’ll grow tired of it. There are wonderful therapies in Estonia - such as the imago relationship therapy and PREP where you can go with your partner to learn how to understand each other better. But if you’ve tried everything, it’s time to move on.’’
N: ,,Even if I mentally feel ready for intercourse, my body still remains dry and rigid. What to do?’’
Epp: ,,Vaginal dryness is a common problem that according to gynaecologists is intensified by the use of tampons. Better idea would be to use pads or a DivaCup to reduce the dryness caused by tampons. The second factor is definitely your current hormonal state and giving your body enough time to ‘‘warm up’’. You may be mentally ready to have intercourse but your body needs longer foreplay. I don’t know a single woman who was dry after an hour of being stroked and touched by their significant other. I don’t recommend lubes because most of them are made out of nafta and can cause microflora imbalances. But if you want to use one regardless, pick a water-based lube or Amare Luna’s coconut oil that has been approved by the Estonian Allergy and Asthma Federation.’’
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P: ,,What would you say are the must-have toys that every couple should own?’’
Epp: ,,The sex industry with all of its toys is a vast business. Covid has also massively increased its sales. But certain risks arise with this. For example, if a woman regularly uses sex toys with vibrating elements, such as vibrators, electric kegel balls, or clit suckers, regular intercourse without toys might not do the trick anymore as a result. No man can replicate this kind of stimulation. I recommend experimenting with bondage instead to add that extra spice. This doesn’t mean that afterwards your hands are purple and covered in bruises. Our body’s sensitivity intensifies through our eyes, hands, and legs being tied up. Let your partner play with a delicate feather along your body or use a stimulating ice cube. In all truthfulness, your partner’s warm breath or tongue up and down your body already has an extremely arousing effect. These are very fine pleasures. Vibrators and the very popular anal plugs can be included in your games from time to time but each intercourse should definitely not begin with bringing out your arsenal of toys.’’
A: ,,How to give your man unimaginable pleasure and a powerful finish?’’
Epp: ,,It is common knowledge that a man’s biggest pleasure point is situated in the anus where the G-spot is. But a lot of couples get scared even thinking about it. I have a special course dedicated to mastering oral sex and prostate massage techniques that have a mind-blowing effect on men. It’s just so powerful when a woman who is pleasuring a man knows what and how to do it. We have a massive amount of sexual taboos in our society but the more educated a person is, the more they realise that sex is simply a part of life, our inner battery, and a source of strength. Moreover, men find it extremely arousing and interesting when women share their sexual fantasies. We all have them, both women and men, but there still seems to be a lot of fear around talking about them. Break that pattern and be extremely free with your sexuality and partner. Because men melt at the sight of a woman who is full of surprises and says directly: ,,Honey I like this or let’s try this.’’ Or asks him: ,,Honey what are your fantasies and what do you want to experience that you haven’t shared with anyone until now?’’
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L: ,,Should I be worried if my partner watches a lot of porn?’’
Epp: ,,Pornographic movies aren’t always bad as you might learn a thing or two from them. As a woman, be clever, sit next to your partner and find out what arouses him. The movie on his screen might be a reflection of his hidden sexual fantasies. Be open and ask your partner if he would want to try those things together as well. The risk appears when your partner watches porn multiple times a day and also pleasures himself at the same time. This means that the brain’s dopamine levels need more and more outside stimulation that at one point may induce erection problems, sleeplessness, and the inability to make contact with the real world. It is very easy to get addicted to porn and it happens with both men and women.’’
E: ,,How to establish a future where sex and pleasures are no longer a taboo topic in order to, for example, talk to our kids about sexuality and sexual health?’’
Epp: ,,I firmly believe that various well put together materials help parents get the necessary support to talk about intimate issues with their children. And don’t be afraid that this new knowledge will instantly mark the early beginning of your children’s sex life. Statistics show that the more openly a young person can talk about sex with their parents, the later their first sexual intercourse happens and the more aware they are about it. Forbidden fruit is always sweeter and creates more temptations.’’
Blossom with the first spring flowers wearing Lola Underwired Bra and G-String.
I: ,,What would you say is the main thing men always find attractive about women?’’
Epp: ,,100% confidence and sweetness! And the confidence in question doesn’t depend on your breast size, eyelash length, or hair thickness. It is reflected through how well you feel as yourself. A confident woman creates her own path and makes decisions for herself not based on the opinions of other people. Don’t be afraid to stand out from the crowd because when we try to fit into society’s norms, we lose what makes us special. Additionally, be respectful with others because women who are broken internally and have not made peace with themselves often attack others, wishing everyone else would lose their glow and be as unhappy as them. A woman whose inner world is peaceful, radiates positive energy so attractive that the opposite sex is naturally drawn towards her. And of course, self-respect is also very important! Confidence is not given through your man’s wallet but by your own self-realisation.’’
A big thanks to Epp for an open-minded and feminine self-awareness boosting conversation! If your burning question wasn’t answered in this blog or you want more information on a subject, have a closer look at Epp’s courses from her website eppkarsin.com.
We wish you soul-touching conversations with your partner and mind-blowing powerful pleasures!
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