Curves, cellulite, freckles, large breasts, small breasts, crooked nose… Who of us has not felt insecure about our body at some point in our lives. We believe that once we fix those insecurities, only then we are worthy of love. Even though we are aware that our worth is not related to our appearance, social media tells us otherwise. It instills in us a distorted view of how we should live and what we should look like. BonBon Lingerie’s mission is to encourage women to love themselves and adore their body just the way it is. Even the seemingly most beautiful and successful women have the same fears as the rest of us and we at BonBon believe that by sharing our stories, we can become stronger and more confident together.

 

In this week’s blog entry, beloved singer, psychology and self-growth enthusiast, motivational speaker and a BonBon woman Helen Adamson shares her extraordinary journey to falling in love with herself and her body. Helen inspires us on a daily basis by unapologetically being her authentic self and helping women regain self-love.

 

Journey to Confidence and Achieving Peace of Mind

Helen is wearing the Red Flame Underwired Bra, Suspender Belt and G-string.

 

Helen’s journey to confidence and achieving peace of mind began when she was a teenager. By the time Helen turned 16 she weighed about 55 kilograms. Interested in modelling back then, she received very clear signals that she was too big for that career path. Helen states that ‘By the age of 14, I was already doing various destructive things - for example, drinking water with cotton balls to have less of an appetite. I felt so guilty every time I ate something’. She adds: ‘I also went through a life period where I tried to throw up after I ate but that was not effective enough. Fortunately, food is the one thing I have never been able to give up in life - otherwise I would have definitely become anorexic. 

 

Helen states that her journey to confidence and achieving peace of mind has not been easy. She has faced many obstacles and challenges along the way and feels the work is far from being done. Helen compares the journey to peeling an onion: ‘Every time I peel this onion, I remove one layer but there is always something underneath. The further I go, the bigger and deeper wounds I discover. At the same time, by doing this I get in contact with myself and acquire a much clearer sense of my needs.’

 

According to Helen, she has found a lot of support from therapy. She is convinced that without individual and family therapy, she would not be where she is right now.

 

The singer shares that lately she has been trying to express and focus more on the positive within herself. Even though she admits she still finds herself focusing on her mistakes, she does have a glimmer in her eyes when she expresses that ‘Thanks to the guidance of my therapist, I have started to notice more and more of the things that I do well’. It is important to remember that by only focusing on the bad, we tend to dismiss a lot of the good.

 

The most common mistake people make in her opinion is thinking that a stranger could not possibly help them with problems only they know through and through. Helen admits ‘I understand why people feel this way. They are afraid of the unknown, of opening up to someone. People also tend to view themselves as extraordinary and singular without acknowledging that human behaviour is repetitive. The latter believe their problems are unique and as a result cannot be helped. People tend to disregard the aspect that therapists often have years of experience and various carefully thought-out methods that have been used for years. Such approaches are mostly already scientifically proven, meaning that people aren’t as unique as they think they are and I mean that in the best way possible.’

 

For Helen, the breakthrough was reaching the conclusion that none of us is unique. She explains: ‘This means that anyone who feels alone in their problems actually never is. With absolutely every problem you might have, it is important to realise that someone else has had to deal with and face it as well, and they have felt just as alone in it as you do. Said people might never meet but can still be helped by the knowledge existing in the world, whether in the form of therapy or books’.

 

Only by Valuing Ourselves Can We Overcome Insecurities

An important turning point in Helen’s growth was when she stopped ridiculing herself. She states: ‘For most of the time until the ages 24-25 I was convinced that I have an ugly body and that I am too fat. Looking back at old pictures, it’s almost a little bit funny to realise how distorted a person’s self-image can be. Society can brainwash us so meticulously that you actually start to believe you’ll have to meet certain standards to succeed. Getting out of this mindset has been a long journey and it continues’.

 

Helen’s big step towards loving herself and her body was related to gaining more of the public’s attention. ‘When my song ‘Kas tead?’ was released, I suddenly found myself in the great interest of a lot of Estonians. It was so bizarre to me how people would write things about me on the internet that weren’t even true and were so quick to judge me without knowing me personally. Negative comments forced me to deal with my insecurities and made me think ‘wait, whose criticism this really is, is this my or other people’s problem?’.

 

Understanding that people often reflect their own insecurities and complexes on others by saying mean things, significantly helped Helen overcome her own insecurities. ‘Truly, putting someone down with name calling reveals your own low self-esteem,’ Helen explains. ‘I understood that this has nothing to do with me and I don’t have to change myself for anyone’.

 

Today, the woman can say with a peaceful heart that in many ways she is her own role model. ‘My role models are people who focus on their inner growth, who don’t give up when faced with difficulties. People who are able to find the root of their inner fears and then conquer them’. She adds: ‘I believe that every person who is willing to look into the unknown and step out of their comfort zone is my role model. This is so important that to some extent, I would like to say that all people are my role models because living here on this earth is a challenge in itself’.

 

Helen is wearing the Black Orchid Triangle Bra, Suspender Belt and G-String.

 

How to Accept Your Body and Boost Your Confidence?

 

Helen is convinced that every woman has some form of complex in regards to her body and even if she does not perceive these complexes at some point anymore, they can still come back because it’s simply a part of being a human. The singer admits that even she has complexes at the moment that have to do with the extra kilos she gained at the beginning of the year: ‘No matter how much I exercise or how much healthier I eat, this extra weight will not go away’. Learning to love her curvier form has been Helen’s biggest challenge this summer. ‘I have agreed that this is how it will be for now.’

 

She soon realised that her weight fluctuation had nothing to do with her lifestyle. ‘According to the results of the body analysis I did, my weight gain was not dangerous to my health in any way. I understood that something is happening to my body right now, for some reason it is gathering supplies. The most important thing for me is that I feel good and strong. I think that working with yourself and looking deep down helps overcome your complexes and make your peace with them. They might resurface again some time but what can you do, that is just life. I am simply doing the best that I know and can.’

 

For women who wish to learn to love themselves and their body, Helen recommends being courageous: ‘I recommend courage. The courage to look into yourself, the courage to allow yourself to be vulnerable. The courage to blame yourself sometimes and the courage to allow yourself to feel those uncomfortable emotions that might resurface every now and then.’

 

Her practical advice is to be aware of what we say about ourselves. As an example, the singer points out a situation where her hair did not grow despite her efforts. ‘I noticed that I started constantly repeating to myself how ugly and lifeless my hair looked. At one point I started to direct more attention to what I was saying and thought to myself, ‘why would my hair even want to grow if I keep saying such awful things to it?’’

 

It is important to notice the words we use to describe ourselves and our body. ‘Thinking back, this spring was probably the worst period as I only saw myself in a very negative light. I kept telling myself that me and my body are so ugly, and kept repeating out-loud that I am fat. I wasn’t fat but it was how I felt at the time,’ she recalls. ‘I decided that I didn’t want to go on like this anymore and tried to change that idea in my head until at one point it started to change. The basis for change is consistency - using positive words when talking about yourself holds a lot of important weight because said words have a much greater impact.’

 

‘My journey to achieving peace of mind has been long and continues till this day. It cannot be said that this journey is over because I personally do not believe that people will reach a certain point where they feel confident and at peace and then it will remain so for the rest of their lives,’ Helen examines. ‘Life comes and goes in waves. From time to time, all of these emotions will strongly resurface in our lives. Next, old patterns might emerge again because our subconscious and reptilian brain are one big infinite ocean of which we understand only one small drop.’

 

Lingerie and Confidence

Helen is wearing the Red Flame Underwired Bra, Suspender Belt and G-string.

 

Helen believes that ‘lingerie is an amazing way for any woman to gain more confidence’. In her opinion, already knowing that you are wearing gorgeous lingerie adds so much to your overall confidence. It makes us feel special, sensual and feminine on a daily basis. ‘You don’t only wear it to the theatre or on a special occasion for your significant other, you wear it for yourself.’

 

Helen explains ‘Confidence for me means being in contact with yourself and your needs. A person who is in a healthy relationship with themselves and their real needs is confident in my eyes thanks to knowing what they need and want without sacrificing the wellbeing of others.’

 

For women who are looking to boost their confidence Helen advises to find time for themselves on a daily basis. ‘I do a lot for myself everyday. Firstly, I do yoga and meditate every morning. After that, I work out, eat breakfast, work, and then also find time to ride my bike or go for a walk. My days are also filled with small meaningful things like knowing I have gorgeous and comfortable lingerie in my closet drawers that I would love to wear daily, in addition to various face masks that I pamper myself with in the evenings. Major component of my ritual is using organic essential body oils because touching yourself creates that physical component of expressing love for your body. This is all important because it helps me stay in better contact with myself.’

 

According to Helen, she has been a devoted fan of BonBon for years, which is why her lingerie drawer is mostly filled with BonBon’s lingerie. She believes that BonBon differs from other lingerie brands in the sense that our lingerie is extremely comfortable as well as beautiful. ‘I haven’t come across any other lingerie brand whose lingerie I could wear on a daily basis and could say with conviction that my most comfortable lingerie set is also my most gorgeous one. BonBon’s lingerie doesn’t feel scratchy nor tight. Being able to design lace lingerie that fits so comfortably is probably the most noteworthy talent of your lingerie designers.’

 

Helen’s indisputable favourites from BonBon Lingerie’s selection are the Red Flame and Frozen Blooms collections. ‘The first time I saw the Frozen Blooms collection, I had a very hard time believing that someone could create such a beautiful lingerie line. I went and bought it for myself without feeling any form of guilt. It was simply the most gorgeous lingerie set I had ever seen in my life,’ she reminisces. ‘I am completely in love with BonBon’s style and adore the fact that you create such sensual accessories to go with the lingerie, such as suspender belts and body harnesses.’

 

Helen is convinced that lingerie and confidence are strongly connected. ‘BonBon’s lingerie makes me feel sexier. It gives me more feminine confidence, powerful feminine strength. I believe that if I personally attach this sense of importance and extreme sensuality to something, I give it power that becomes a part of me when I wear it.’

 

Helen mostly notices the details when it comes to lingerie. Details such as straps and ribbons give insight into how much energy and creativity has been put into the lingerie. ‘If I do something, I do it as best I can. If I look at BonBon’s lingerie, I see that someone has also given their everything when creating it. Every detail is so thought-out and this instills the feeling that it has been created with passion, thanks to which it instantly has greater value in my eyes. Things that speak to my eyes and soul are things that I feel are made with love, and I really feel that when I look at BonBon’s lingerie.’

Helen is wearing the Black Orchid Triangle Bra, Suspender Belt and G-String.

 

BonBon is extremely grateful to Helen Adamson for sharing her story. We hope her story spoke to you and provided food for thought to support you on your journey to loving yourself and your body.

 

You are amazing!